Hola,
This time I justdon't have any excuses for not updating the old electronic notes apart from the fact that South America seems to run on a different time zone to the rest of the world, and we're not talking G.M.T (+/-) here! The fact of the matter is that it really doesn't matter how much you plan because the quite beaultiful and (alot of the time) surreal continent has decided to live in a way to make the tourists life as difficult as possible, in other words, the siesta.
Now, I'm all for culture and embracing the differences the way we live, we eat chicken, they'll chow down on an llama foetus, a break to us is a quick sandwich from boots eating infront of the computer, the South Americans, we'll reward ourselves with a 3-4 hour sleep after a hard morning at the office, precinct or road side vendor. It seems the only way to see, do or even attempt to co-ordinate any activity south of the Equator on the Southern side of America is to do as they do and not wake up at 10a.m. and roll out of the hostel thinking that a breakfast of cereal toast and OJ is waiting for you around the corner. Something quite the oposite infact.
The subject of food is certainly an interesting one when approaching Argentina et al. One one side of the peso we are provided with some of the finest steaks, sauces and BBQ goods the world has to offer but before let's say 9p.m. if you wish to eat, a lunchtime snack or mid morning your options consist of one of the following...
1. Cheese and Ham sandwich
2. Ham and Cheese sandwich or
3. Queso y Jamon sandwich
You don't have to be a rocket scientist, come to think about it a semi retarded chef to figure out the translation for number 3. Unfortunately I do not exegrate. Take this shot story to highlight my point. On a bus from wherever to wherever, this doesn't quite matter at this time we were enjoying the luxury the Argentines like to spoil us travellers with, sitting back waiting for our evening meal. After being handed, well... I can let you fill in the gaps here, but with a touch of variety in the layering department (Brown bread, cheese, brown bread, white bread, ham, white break...yes this was ONE sandwich although it did fall apart rather easily probably down to one of the unfortunate properities it possesed, namely being soggy and floppy) I felt slighty agreeved. But all was not lost...we were given desert, as swiss roll. Delighted, or as I thought. I will let you into a little secret they have in South America, it's called Completo, which translates to this. Take ANY food, bread, pie, wgetables, swiss roll and insert these 2 key ingredients. Wait for it...ham and...cheese. Ok I lie slightly it's ham and egg which may sound better on the variety front but after I just manged to choke down my 145th slice of ham in March and 63rd kg of cheese my palate was screaming at me for a sweet, savory combo. Oh dear. And all of this was with Bolivia, the country nearly every tourist who enters comes out with a massive weight loss, to come.
Well, as I write this now, sitting, quite comfortably with bowel movement only to be described as textbook (I really hope I don't come to regret writing that last line) in a hostel in La Paz, Bolivia's capital I can safely say that, 6 days in the food is bloody marvelous. Okay, we're not talking Oliveramsey compote here but the ham, the cheese and the fricking completo has thus far been irradicated from my diet and in this way I hope it stays, well at least until we get back into Argentina in a week or so.
The last couple of weeks have been quite hectic really. Two contries, about 6 towns and cities, a tour through the world's highest and largest salt flat and back, a bus into the clouds and the kind introduction to Argentina's population of stray dogs. Think traflagar squares but do a quick swap of pigeons for the canine variety. I truly have never, and will probably never see more dogs in such a small confined area. I honestly believe if the dogs bred in the same way in the UK our natioanl anthem would derive from a Pedigree Chum advert and the offical language would be condensed to two words, woof and bark.
It may seem that my time in Argentina thus far has been a bad one, qhen quiote simply it is the oposite I love it and only wish I had more time to see more of it. Like the four day tour I have just got back from in Bolivia of the Salir de Uyuni, the countryside has been breathtaking. Word's cannot even begin to describe the optical treats pupils and co of the Wagg varity has been treated to (even if I could be bothered to try!) I may say this again, infact I probably will with a imminent trip to Macchu Picchu (one of the 7 wonders of the world), but if you ever have the chance to come here, don't think about it, don't even bother typing it your credit card details into Expedia to book your flights, just set up a direct debit and let them tell you when to go. You WILL NOT regret it, unless of course your favourite colour is beige and your hobby's include trains, buses or any other mode of public transport.
Now I'm sure I have a number of hilarious anicdotes, stories and tribulations but I'm off to explore one of the world's highest cities, a a whopping 3700m above sea level, although I did hit 5000m the other day.
I hope all is well wherever you are reading.
Speak to you all again soon(ish)!
Tim
x
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
No f*****g money? No f*****g money!
It´s been a while since my last entry so I´m gonna delve right into this time round if that´s ok people...
Okay, so it turns out that my pesimistic opinion on the lack of English speakers in South America may have been made a tas too quickly. Take this for example, it turns out they can speak quite good English, as I found out, at the Chile/Argentine border although I´m not quite sure who tought them. Really needing the toilet, or baño in old money, I thought it may be a good idea to use the facilties than just take down my pants and piss on the border (I think the fact that we stake claim to the Falklands, not that you would know it from looking at maps, it might not have been a good idea to rub it in!)
So anyway, I go off to the toilet and there´s two boys around my ages hanging around. I instantly knew the customary 20 odd pence would have to be handed over, the only problem was I had no cash on me, well I wasn´t going to give them a fiver to take a leak! I thought I could once again use my English charm and blag my way in. And just while we are on the side not of the art of blagging it appears that no matter where you are from, how good your English is, unless you are from our might green shore the profession and even the word blag is not understood.
Either way, upright, shoulders broad and staring ahead and confidently tell them that I didn´t have any money and they simply would have to let me in for free. Now here´s where it get´s interesting. "No money?" he said.
"No, I´m sorry, por favor?"
"No fucking money" one of them said with a chuckle
"No fucking money" the other laughed away with him. Now hang on a minute are they going to let me through or not? Is this really the best way to be learning English...
STEP 1: Repeat whatever is said to you
STEP 2:Laugh and insert randow swear word into sentance.
While we are talking about it maybe we could help them along a little, how about, "Could I trouble you for the (twatting) bill please?" or maybe "That´s a nice car you have there, maybe I could take a look (and shit) in the back seats?" Certainly made me think.
I´d love to tell you more about the complexities of the Latino/English divide but for the risk of possbily getting reported by the man running the internet cafe and the fact I have nothing much else to say on the subject I think I will leave this one for your imagination. Please feel free to send in your suggestions to the usual address, the best one wins a postcard, not that you will ever get it as it is, and when I say this I couldn´t stress this enough to you, virtually impossible to get a stamp or send a letter in the South of America.
Just before the border incident we stopped off in a little town called Osorno, think Blackpool but with more pickpockets and a handful of stray dogs on each corner. Thinking that it would be nice to send home a postcard from every country I visit I mistakedly left it to late the previous day in Pucòn (after half 5, so it´s not just the UK then!) so left it to the last minute. Thankfully our 2 hour layover in the Chilian capital of crap was just enough to locate the post office which seems to be the only place to post a letter of any kind. A visit to a bank, pharmacy, supermarket and hardware store were all about as helpful as a turd in a box but we got there eventually. One thing I would say is that at least they´re not hemeraging four millions pounds a day on random offices in the middle of nowhere so Farmer Giles doesn´t have to wait for Tractor weekly.
Been in Argentina for nearly a week now and head my Birthday the other day in a lovely little place called Barilochè, a good cross between a Swiss Alpine village and somewhere in Northen Italy, mainly down to the grand array of pizza places on offer. I must say it was a touch weird being away on my birthday not being able to venture down to Old Trafford and not seeing all the people you want to (not neccassarly in that order!) but extremely cool to say I´ve spent a birthday in the ninth biggest country in the world. Especially as it was more of a celebration than normal after surving a climb up an active volcano only days earlier with the type of guys who look like they should have icicles permanmently attached to their facial hair. Unfortunately there´s not much else to that story apart from the fact that it is will be the last time I get up at half 2 in the morning to partake in a walk up a mountain covered in a selection of the finest snows, stones and sulphuric steams. But it was definately worth the 35 quid price tag!
Off for some more adventures tomorrow though, got a hard day tasting wine, I´m going to get my best Jilly Cooper on, although I still don´t have a bloody clue what hollyhocks tastes off and I´ve certainly never wrapped my tastebuds around an open fire. And before you begin to copmplain about what I luck shit I am I was on a bus for 17 hours last night so a bit of R and R is of course in order. Just before I go though I´m going to leave you with this thought, if you thought plane food was bad...
All the best for the month of March, check in next time for another episode of timwaggtravels...
Tim
x
P.S. Sorry about the above spelling, I could blame it on the keyboard being spanish but in reality it´s cause the spell check is bust.
Okay, so it turns out that my pesimistic opinion on the lack of English speakers in South America may have been made a tas too quickly. Take this for example, it turns out they can speak quite good English, as I found out, at the Chile/Argentine border although I´m not quite sure who tought them. Really needing the toilet, or baño in old money, I thought it may be a good idea to use the facilties than just take down my pants and piss on the border (I think the fact that we stake claim to the Falklands, not that you would know it from looking at maps, it might not have been a good idea to rub it in!)
So anyway, I go off to the toilet and there´s two boys around my ages hanging around. I instantly knew the customary 20 odd pence would have to be handed over, the only problem was I had no cash on me, well I wasn´t going to give them a fiver to take a leak! I thought I could once again use my English charm and blag my way in. And just while we are on the side not of the art of blagging it appears that no matter where you are from, how good your English is, unless you are from our might green shore the profession and even the word blag is not understood.
Either way, upright, shoulders broad and staring ahead and confidently tell them that I didn´t have any money and they simply would have to let me in for free. Now here´s where it get´s interesting. "No money?" he said.
"No, I´m sorry, por favor?"
"No fucking money" one of them said with a chuckle
"No fucking money" the other laughed away with him. Now hang on a minute are they going to let me through or not? Is this really the best way to be learning English...
STEP 1: Repeat whatever is said to you
STEP 2:Laugh and insert randow swear word into sentance.
While we are talking about it maybe we could help them along a little, how about, "Could I trouble you for the (twatting) bill please?" or maybe "That´s a nice car you have there, maybe I could take a look (and shit) in the back seats?" Certainly made me think.
I´d love to tell you more about the complexities of the Latino/English divide but for the risk of possbily getting reported by the man running the internet cafe and the fact I have nothing much else to say on the subject I think I will leave this one for your imagination. Please feel free to send in your suggestions to the usual address, the best one wins a postcard, not that you will ever get it as it is, and when I say this I couldn´t stress this enough to you, virtually impossible to get a stamp or send a letter in the South of America.
Just before the border incident we stopped off in a little town called Osorno, think Blackpool but with more pickpockets and a handful of stray dogs on each corner. Thinking that it would be nice to send home a postcard from every country I visit I mistakedly left it to late the previous day in Pucòn (after half 5, so it´s not just the UK then!) so left it to the last minute. Thankfully our 2 hour layover in the Chilian capital of crap was just enough to locate the post office which seems to be the only place to post a letter of any kind. A visit to a bank, pharmacy, supermarket and hardware store were all about as helpful as a turd in a box but we got there eventually. One thing I would say is that at least they´re not hemeraging four millions pounds a day on random offices in the middle of nowhere so Farmer Giles doesn´t have to wait for Tractor weekly.
Been in Argentina for nearly a week now and head my Birthday the other day in a lovely little place called Barilochè, a good cross between a Swiss Alpine village and somewhere in Northen Italy, mainly down to the grand array of pizza places on offer. I must say it was a touch weird being away on my birthday not being able to venture down to Old Trafford and not seeing all the people you want to (not neccassarly in that order!) but extremely cool to say I´ve spent a birthday in the ninth biggest country in the world. Especially as it was more of a celebration than normal after surving a climb up an active volcano only days earlier with the type of guys who look like they should have icicles permanmently attached to their facial hair. Unfortunately there´s not much else to that story apart from the fact that it is will be the last time I get up at half 2 in the morning to partake in a walk up a mountain covered in a selection of the finest snows, stones and sulphuric steams. But it was definately worth the 35 quid price tag!
Off for some more adventures tomorrow though, got a hard day tasting wine, I´m going to get my best Jilly Cooper on, although I still don´t have a bloody clue what hollyhocks tastes off and I´ve certainly never wrapped my tastebuds around an open fire. And before you begin to copmplain about what I luck shit I am I was on a bus for 17 hours last night so a bit of R and R is of course in order. Just before I go though I´m going to leave you with this thought, if you thought plane food was bad...
All the best for the month of March, check in next time for another episode of timwaggtravels...
Tim
x
P.S. Sorry about the above spelling, I could blame it on the keyboard being spanish but in reality it´s cause the spell check is bust.
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